Developing Self-Management in Children Through Social-Emotional Learning (SEL)
Self-management, a core competency of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL), is the key to regulating one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in various situations. This skill empowers children to tackle challenges, set and pursue goals, and manage stress in a constructive manner.
What Is Self-Management in SEL?
Self-management, a core competency of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL), is the key to regulating one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in various situations. This skill empowers children to tackle challenges, set and pursue goals, and manage stress in a constructive manner. By mastering self-management, children develop the resilience and adaptability crucial for lifelong success.
Essential Skills for Self-Management
Children with the following essential skills will have higher levels of self-management:
- Impulse Control: They can think before acting, managing their initial responses.
- Delayed Gratification: They can wait for what they want and understand the value of patience.
- Reflective Thinking: They can reflect on past experiences to learn and make better choices.
- Initiative and Motivation: They can complete tasks independently, driven by internal motivation rather than external rewards.
- Open-mindedness and Adaptability: They can adapt to changes with a flexible approach.
- Perseverance: They stay committed to tasks, even in the face of challenges or setbacks.
- Self-Soothing: They use strategies to manage stress and anxiety effectively.
- Goal Setting: They can set and work towards short- and long-term goals.
- Emotional Self-Regulation: They understand and control their emotions, maintaining balance even in difficult situations.
This article delves into four core components of self-management, providing a comprehensive understanding of each. It explains the crucial role of self-management in children's development and equips parents, caregivers, and educators with practical strategies to help children cultivate this essential skill.
Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation, the ability to manage and respond to emotions in a healthy, balanced way, is a fundamental skill for developing resilience and maintaining positive relationships. Children gain control over their reactions by learning emotional regulation, fostering overall well-being and constructive social interactions.
The four stages of emotional regulation can be taught and developed in children, guiding them through recognising, understanding, expressing appropriately, and using strategies to manage emotions:
Recognising, Identifying, and Naming Emotions
Children begin by labelling their feelings, such as sadness, anger, or happiness. Naming emotions helps children become aware of what they’re experiencing, which is the first step toward managing their reactions.
Understanding Triggers and Causes
Children learn to understand why they feel a certain way after identifying their emotions. This includes recognising triggers and situations that commonly lead to specific emotions and providing context that helps children prepare for or manage similar situations in the future.
Expressing Emotions Respectfully
Children learn how to express their feelings in ways that are respectful to themselves and others. For instance, they might use words to communicate anger instead of resorting to physical reactions, such as hitting or yelling. This skill is vital for developing social interactions that are considerate and constructive.
Using Strategies to Manage Emotions
Once children can recognise, understand, and express their emotions healthily, they can be taught techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break to help them manage strong emotions like stress, frustration, or anger. These tools become invaluable for self-regulation as children grow.
Helping children develop emotional regulation skills is crucial for their social and emotional development. With these abilities, children are better prepared to handle life’s ups and downs, build positive relationships, and foster resilience, supporting their overall mental and emotional well-being.
Impulse Control
Impulse control refers to a child’s ability to think before acting – good impulse control will allow a child to pause, consider potential consequences, and make better choices rather than reacting immediately to urges or feelings.
The four stages of impulse control can be taught to and developed in the children you work with, including delayed gratification, thinking before acting, resisting temptation and self-discipline.
Delayed Gratification
Teaching children to wait for what they want, such as standing in line, waiting for break time to have a snack, or saving pocket money for a desired toy, helps them practice patience and learn to delay gratification. This skill reinforces that immediate demands do not always need to be met and that waiting can lead to more meaningful rewards.
Thinking Before Acting
Helping children develop the habit of thinking before they act allows them to consider the consequences of their actions. For example, pausing before reacting can prevent impulsive behaviours, like hitting or shouting, by giving the child a moment to think about a better response.
Resisting Temptation
Learning to resist temptations—such as not taking items that aren’t theirs or refraining from interrupting others—helps children stay focused and behave appropriately in classrooms and social settings. Practising restraint encourages concentration, better performance, and positive interactions with peers.
Self-Discipline
Self-discipline is essential for following instructions, adhering to routines, and completing tasks. By building self-discipline, children learn to take responsibility for their actions, manage their time, and stick with tasks even when they become challenging.
Teaching children these stages of impulse control supports their growth into mindful, responsible individuals. As they practice these skills, they gain the self-regulation needed for success in school, social relationships, and future life challenges.
Stress Management
Recognising and coping with stress in healthy ways helps children to maintain emotional balance, build resilience and improve overall well-being.
The five stages of stress management can be taught to and developed in the children you are working with, including recognising and understanding stress and triggers, implementing calming techniques and problem-solving skills and using positive self-talk or affirmations.
Recognising and Understanding Stress
One of the most crucial steps in managing stress is helping children recognise the physical and emotional signs of stress. These signs, such as a fast heartbeat, stomachaches, nervousness, or irritability, can serve as early warning signals. By identifying these signs early, children can better understand when they feel stressed and take action before it escalates.
Identifying Stress Triggers
Once children can recognise the signs of stress, it’s essential to help them understand the situations or events that trigger their stress. Whether it’s a difficult homework assignment, a social conflict, or a change in routine, recognising these stressors empowers children to anticipate and prepare for them. This proactive approach allows them to face stressful situations with a clearer mindset.
Implementing Calming Techniques
Teaching children calming techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or mindfulness exercises can be simple yet effective tools for managing stress. These strategies help children regain control of their emotions, allowing them to relax and refocus during stressful moments, such as before a test or argument.
Problem-Solving Skills
Encouraging children to approach stressful situations with a problem-solving mindset helps them break down challenges into manageable steps. For example, instead of feeling overwhelmed by an upcoming exam, a child can ask a teacher for key areas to study and create a schedule. By focusing on solutions rather than the stress itself, children can reduce anxiety and feel more in control.
Using Positive Self-Talk and Affirmations
Encouraging positive self-talk and affirmations helps children build confidence and reduce negative thought patterns that can increase stress. Phrases like “I will try my best” or “I can handle this” promote a growth mindset, where children see challenges as opportunities for growth, not insurmountable obstacles.
Teaching children these five stages of stress management empowers them to face challenges with resilience, maintain emotional balance, and develop lifelong coping strategies. As children practice these skills, they manage stress more effectively and build emotional intelligence, self-confidence, and a healthier relationship with their emotions.
Self-Discipline
Self-discipline in children means controlling their impulses, staying focused, and following through on agreed actions. Self-discipline involves goal-setting, practising perseverance and patience and resisting distractions.
The four stages of self-discipline can be taught to and developed in children the children you are working with include goal-setting, practising perseverance and patience, delayed gratifications, resisting distractions and following through with responsibilities.
Goal-Setting and Perseverance
When children set goals and take steps to achieve them, even small ones, they develop important skills in goal-setting and perseverance. These skills are crucial when facing challenges, such as studying for an exam or learning a new skill. Encouraging children to break down larger goals into manageable steps helps them see progress and stay motivated, even when faced with obstacles.
Prioritising Tasks and Resisting Distractions
Teaching children how to prioritise tasks helps them improve their focus and concentration. When they learn to dedicate time to important tasks—whether schoolwork or household chores—children are better able to resist distractions and stay on track. For instance, setting aside specific times for homework and avoiding multitasking or distractions like phones can improve their productivity.
Delayed Gratification
Delayed gratification is essential to self-discipline, as it teaches children to forgo immediate rewards in favour of greater future rewards. For example, a child might finish their homework before playing a video game. By practising delayed gratification, children improve their impulse control, which can help them manage their emotions and make more thoughtful decisions in various situations.
Following Through with Responsibilities
Children must learn to follow through with their commitments to build responsibility and accountability. This could include completing chores, following a daily routine, or adhering to family rules. When children learn to take ownership of their responsibilities, they develop a strong sense of reliability and accountability, which will serve them well in school, in relationships, and eventually in their adult lives.
By teaching children these four stages of self-discipline, adults can help them develop the skills needed to manage their time, stay focused, and make responsible choices. As children practice self-discipline, they become more independent, resilient, and capable of overcoming challenges, laying the foundation for long-term success in their personal and academic lives.
References
- CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning). (2020). What is SEL? Retrieved from https://casel.org/what-is-sel/
- Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405-432.
- Moffitt, T. E., et al. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693-2698.
- Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life. Toronto: Penguin Canada.
- Denham, S. A., & Burton, R. (2003). Social and emotional prevention and intervention programming for preschoolers. New York: Kluwer Academic/Plenum.
- Rimm-Kaufman, S. E., & Hulleman, C. S. (2015). SEL in elementary school settings: Identifying mechanisms that matter. In J. A. Durlak, R. P. Weissberg, & T. P. Gullotta (Eds.), Handbook of Social and Emotional Learning: Research and Practice (pp. 151-165). New York: Guilford Press.
Recommended Reading
The SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) Workbook for Teens: Self-Management is a reflection tool designed to help young adults develop Self-Management awareness and skills. This workbook includes 30 reflection questions that encourage teens to reflect on their organizational skills, self-care, and behavior.
Carry the bestselling The Little Book of Calm with you wherever you go for comfort and practical advice. This book is the perfect antidote to a global stress epidemic. If you can feel your stress or anxiety levels increasing and are searching for a way to regain balance, this book is the pocket guide to turn to in times of need.
In HOW TO BE YOUR OWN THERAPIST, Owen O’Kane reveals how smart, short techniques throughout the day can form healthier perspectives and let you ditch harmful thought patterns.
Social emotional learning (SEL) is frequently taught in schools, but how can educators embrace it in their own lives? In this helpful guidebook, Wendy Turner demonstrates the importance of SEL being embraced, understood, and modeled by all members of the learning community.