It's More Than Just Talking
Essential techniques to engage children, promote respect, and ensure they feel heard.
Engaging children in conversation is a crucial skill. It supports their social understanding while providing a vital sense of belonging.
Communication Techniques
Get on Their Level
As an adult, you naturally tower over most children. By physically getting down to their eye level, you establish a connection that feels more personal and far less daunting.
The Language Shift
"Be good" / "You're naughty"
"Please keep your hands to yourself"
Empathetic Language
Acknowledge and validate the child’s emotions. This helps the child to feel respected and heard, even when their behaviour needs correcting.
"I can see that this has made you angry; let’s work together to help you feel better."
Empowerment Tools
⚖️ Limited Choices
Offering options reduces resistance and frustration. It makes the child feel in control while still leading to a productive outcome.
"Would you like to put your washing away or finish your homework first?"
👤 "I" Statements
Express your needs rather than adding blame. This gets tasks back on track without the child feeling shamed.
"I need you to listen now" vs "You aren't listening."
Allowing Time to Respond
Silence is an essential part of the conversation. Children often use pauses to process their thoughts. Those with additional needs or SEN may require significantly longer processing times—patience is key.
Be Open and Honest (With Limits)
Honesty builds trust, but the delivery must be calm and safe. In traumatic situations, leave out traumatic details while maintaining the truth of the situation.
Natural Consequences
Natural consequences are logical outcomes, not punishments. They are learning opportunities that help a child understand accountability.
"If you don’t put your toys away, we won’t have time to play in the park."
Mark Else
My experience ranges from running playgroups for pre-schoolers to managing complex safeguarding caseloads within both mainstream and SEMH provisions. In addition to having worked within the education sector since 2018, I am currently studying for a Level 6 Youth Work degree.
References
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Charles Fay and Jim Fay
- You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
- Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman