It's More Than Just Talking
Engaging children in conversation is a crucial skill anyone working with children needs.
By creating conversations with children, you help support and build their language skills and social understanding while providing them with a sense of belonging. Additionally, engaging in conversation with children will support their:
- Language development.
- Emotional expression.
- Cognitive development.
- Social skills.
- Self-confidence.
- Problem-solving and Decision-Making skills.
This article will equip you with communication techniques to engage children, keep their attention, promote respect, and leave them feeling heard.
Communicating with Children
Get on Their Level
As an adult, you naturally tower over most children, and this can be pretty intimidating for them. However, by physically getting down to their eye level, you can establish a sense of connection and focus, making your conversation feel more personal and less daunting.
This simple act can lead to a much more engaging and empathetic conversation.
Use Clear, Simple, and Appropriate Language
It's essential to use clear and appropriate language for a child's age and stage of development. If you use jargon, technical terms, or complex explanations, your child may become disengaged and struggle to maintain interest in what you're saying.
Keeping the language simple will also help to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. An example of this in action could be, instead of saying, “You are being naughty,” say, “You are standing when it’s time to sit.”
Vague instructions should also be avoided as your idea of what is acceptable and what the child feels is acceptable can create a barrier (especially if what they see as acceptable is accepted elsewhere, like at home). Avoid language like “Be good” or “tidy your room” and instead use “Please put your shoes away” or “Please keep your hands to yourself.”
Encourage Positive Behaviour
Using positive reinforcement over negative feedback can effectively highlight what the child can do instead of focusing on the problem. This approach not only encourages children to listen more, it also empowers them.
When you praise and reward positive behaviours, you're not just communicating with them but positively shaping their behaviour.
A good way of encouraging children could be by saying, “Please walk in the corridor,” when they are doing something they should not be doing (such as running).
Use Empathetic and Respectful Language
Approach all conversations with the child’s feelings in mind. By acknowledging and validating the child’s emotions, you are helping the child to feel respected and heard.
An easy way of validating a child's emotions is to use empathetic language such as “I can see that this has made you angry; let’s work together to help you feel better.”
Offer (limited) Choices
By offering the child choices, you're not just creating an opportunity for conversation but also empowering the child.
This not only reduces resistance but also lessens frustration. It's a win-win situation that can make your interactions with children more pleasant and productive and make the child feel more in control.
A good example of limited choice could be, “Would you like to put your washing away or finish your homework first?”
Be Open and Honest (with limits)
Children appreciate it when adults are honest with them. It's a sign of respect and trust. However, we must be careful about the delivery of information.
When conversing with a child about something sensitive or upsetting, you should ensure that the child is comfortable, feels safe and that you deliver the information gently and calmly. This approach builds trust and helps the child understand and cope with the situation better.
Sometimes, you may need to leave out specific details (such as details that could be traumatic to hear), but you can still be honest with the child. An example might be saying, “Mummy is in hospital but is safe in hospital,” rather than “Mummy was hit by a car and is bleeding.” The amount of detail you share will vary depending on the age and stage of the child and your relationship with them.
Use “I” Statements
By using “I” statements, you express your needs rather than adding blame or shame to the child. This can be helpful when a child starts to lose focus, and you need to get something important completed (such as their views for an assessment).
A statement like “I need you to ….” Rather than “You’re not ….” can get a conversation or activity back on track without the child feeling like they have done something wrong.
Allow Time to Respond
During conversations with children, there will be times when natural pauses and silences happen; this silence is an essential part of the conversation, and you should avoid filling this silence (no matter how awkward it might feel).
Children often use pauses and silence to process their thoughts or work through what you have said. The processing time of children with additional needs, especially those with speech, language and communication difficulties, will be much longer, and therefore, they will require extra patience from you.
Avoid the ‘Naughty’ Label
When speaking to children about negative behaviour, you should avoid labelling the child as ‘naughty’ or ‘bad.’
You can create a more positive environment by focusing on the behaviour, not the child. A good example that demonstrates this is instead of saying, “You’re being naughty,” say, “That behaviour is unkind.”
Offer Natural Consequences
You can help children understand the consequences of not listening or following instructions and do so in a non-threatening way.
A simple “If you don’t put your toys away, we won’t have time to play in the park” will help children learn about accountability and responsibility.
Natural consequences are the logical outcomes of a child's actions. They are not punishments but rather learning opportunities.
By allowing these consequences to occur, you can help the child understand the impact of their behaviour.
