How to Respond When a Child Discloses Abuse

The point at which children drop all of their barriers and trust in you enough to disclose abuse will be one that lives with you both forever.

Disclosures of abuse are among the most significant moments in a child’s life, and how adults respond can shape their healing journey (Allnock and Miller, 2013).

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, youth worker, or another trusted adult, knowing how to respond is vital.

Children may not always disclose abuse in a clear or direct way. It can come out in fragments, through behaviour, or in moments of quiet trust.

Disclosures are rarely spontaneous and can take days, months, or even years to surface. It is essential to recognise that the timing, method, and content of a disclosure can be influenced by numerous complex factors.

Feeling Safe and Trusted

A child or young person is more likely to disclose abuse to someone they perceive as kind, calm, and consistent. Trust is the foundation of feeling safe (Beckett et al., 2013).

Crisis Point or Accidental Disclosure

Sometimes children reach a moment of emotional overwhelm or crisis, for example, after a triggering event, during a safeguarding lesson, or in a moment of distress. In some cases, they may reveal something accidentally without realising its significance.

Seeking Protection for Themselves or Others

A child may disclose not only to protect themselves but also siblings or friends. They may be trying to prevent something from happening again or to someone else.

Gradual Process of Telling

Disclosures are often not full or clear. A child might test an adult’s reaction first, saying small or partial things to gauge whether they will be believed or blamed.

Developmental Understanding

The younger the child, the less likely they are to understand that what’s happening is wrong or abusive. As their understanding develops, particularly through education or peer discussions (Cossar, Brandon and Jordan, 2011), they may begin to name what they’ve experienced and realise it needs to be shared.

A Need to Be Heard

For some, the decision to disclose comes from a deep need to stop feeling alone, confused, or ashamed. Speaking out can be a way of asking for help, even if they don’t use those exact words.

The way you respond in the first moments after a child discloses abuse can have a lasting impact. A calm, supportive approach helps the child feel safe, respected, and heard, and sets the tone for everything that follows.

What to Do

• Stay calm and steady – Even if you feel shocked or upset inside, try to remain calm. Children will pick up on your emotional cues.
• Listen but do not lead – Let the child speak freely, without interrupting. Use gentle prompts like “I’m listening.”
• BELIEVE THEM – Say clearly, “I believe you.”
• Reassure them – Let them know they are not in trouble and it’s not their fault.
• Be honest about what will happen next – Avoid false promises. Instead, say “I may need to talk to someone who can help keep you safe.”

What Not to Say During a Disclosure

• Don’t ask leading questions – Avoid “Did they do X to you?”
• Don’t express shock or anger – Panicking can make the child feel unsafe or to blame.
• Don’t promise secrecy – You must follow safeguarding procedures.
• Don’t try to investigate – Your role is to listen and report, not interrogate.
• Avoid asking “Why?” – It implies blame (Ministry of Justice, 2011).

By remaining calm, open, and supportive, you can help the child feel empowered rather than fearful — and ensure that the next steps are rooted in care and protection.

When a child discloses abuse, accurate and timely recording is essential. Your record may be used in safeguarding assessments, care planning, or legal proceedings (NSPCC Learning, n.d.).

Every organisation will have its own safeguarding and child protection policy (HM Government, 2018). As a general guide:

1. Verbally inform the Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL).
2. Record details using the child’s exact words as soon as possible.
3. Include time, date, location, and who was present.
4. Explain how the disclosure came about.
5. Keep notes factual and in the child’s language where possible.
6. Include actions taken and the DSL informed.
7. Use a body map for injuries and describe what you saw.

A well-written record ensures the child’s voice is protected, heard clearly, and acted upon appropriately.

Responding promptly and appropriately helps protect the child, prevent further harm, and begin the healing process.

Follow your organisation’s safeguarding policy. The DSL will assess and act accordingly. Refer to key guidance such as Working Together to Safeguard Children (2018) and Keeping Children Safe in Education (2024).

• Working Together to Safeguard Children (HM Government, 2018)
• Keeping Children Safe in Education (DfE, 2024)
• Information Sharing (DfE, 2018)
• The Children Act (1989 & 2004)
• Ofsted Safeguarding Expectations (Ofsted, 2022)

You don’t need to solve everything. Instead:

• Respond calmly and report
• Ensure safeguarding procedures are followed
• Remain emotionally available and consistent

Offer Steady, Ongoing Reassurance

• Reinforce care, safety, and that they’re not to blame.
• Repeat messages like “You were brave to tell me.”

Maintain Familiar Routines

• Keep daily life stable — school, hobbies, and routines help.
• Avoid overwhelming changes.

Be Emotionally Available

• Use gentle check-ins like “I’m here if you want to talk.”
• Let the child guide the pace and depth of conversation.

Connect Them with Support

• Counselling or therapy
• Advocacy services
• School pastoral support

Expect Ups and Downs

• Emotional and behavioural responses can fluctuate.
• Respond with empathy — not punishment.

Helping Them Feel Heard and Empowered

• Offer appropriate choices
• Encourage creative expression
• Celebrate resilience

Hearing a child disclose abuse can be emotional and heavy. You need support, too.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s normal to feel shock, anger, anxiety, or helplessness. You’re human.

Seek Professional or Peer Support

• Speak to your DSL or supervisor.
• Use reflective practice or staff wellbeing services.
• Don’t isolate yourself — talk to trusted colleagues.

Practise Self-Care with Intention

• Decompress after the conversation — walk, journal, reflect.
• Acknowledge difficult thoughts without judgement.
• Set emotional boundaries if you support multiple children.

Recognise When to Get Extra Help

If you feel overwhelmed long-term, seek further support via EAP, your GP, or a mental health service.

Emergency Services

999 – Call if a child is at immediate risk of harm

Safeguarding and Child Protection

• NSPCC Helpline – 0808 800 5000 – nspcc.org.uk
• Childline – 0800 1111 – childline.org.uk
• Contact your local council’s children’s safeguarding team

Mental Health and Trauma Support

• YoungMinds
• Ann Craft Trust
• NHS Mental Health Services

For Professionals

• KCSIE Guidance
• Safeguarding Network

When a child discloses abuse, it can be life-changing. Your calm response, belief in them, and action are key. You don’t need all the answers — just your presence, care, and commitment to safeguarding makes a difference.

• You are not alone
• Help is available
• You’re already making a difference by listening and acting with compassion

Disclosures take immense courage. So does receiving them. When adults respond with safety and kindness, children are more likely to begin healing.