The Impact of Bereavement on Children and Adolescents
Navigating childhood grief with empathy, honesty, and a steady presence.
Grief in childhood happens right in the middle of learning who you are. The death of a loved one shakes a child’s sense of security, requiring them to rebuild a "new normal" while their brains are still developing.
"Puddle grief"—moving rapidly between deep sadness and normal play—is a common and healthy way for young people to process loss in manageable doses.
Grief Across the Ages
Preschool (0–5)
Death is seen as reversible. Look for regression (bedwetting), clinginess, and repetitive questioning. Keep routines steady.
Primary (6–11)
Understand death is final but may feel guilt. Look for physical symptoms like stomach aches. Offer honest reassurance.
Adolescents (12–18)
Grasp finality but may mask feelings to protect others. Look for risk-taking or isolation. Provide safe space.
How Grief Shows Up
Internal Responses
- ● Emotional: Rapid fluctuations of anger, guilt, and anxiety.
- ● Cognitive: Preoccupation, memory issues, and "brain fog."
- ● Physical: Headaches, muscle tension, and lowered immunity.
External Behaviours
- ● Withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions or previous hobbies.
- ● Acting Out: Defiance as a way to regain a sense of control.
- ● Disturbances: Significant changes in sleep and eating patterns.
Helping Children Heal
Effective Communication
Use clear, simple language. Avoid euphemisms like "gone to sleep." Admit when you don't have all the answers—honesty builds trust.
Remembering & Memorialisation
Memory boxes, sharing stories, and creative expression help integrate the loss into their ongoing lives.
When to Seek Professional Help
Professional intervention may be necessary if symptoms do not lessen or if you see:
- Prolonged withdrawal from peers
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
- Dangerous risk-taking behaviours
- Inability to function at school
- Severe physical complaints without medical cause
- Excessive, debilitating guilt
Resilience and Growth
With consistent, compassionate support, young people have a remarkable capacity for adaptation. By honouring their grief and offering a safe space, we help them move toward a future where they can cherish the memory of those they have lost while living fully.
Mark Else
My experience ranges from running playgroups for pre-schoolers to managing complex safeguarding caseloads within both mainstream and SEMH provisions. In addition to having worked within the education sector since 2018, I am currently studying for a Level 6 Youth Work degree.
References
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