How to Communicate Effectively with Children
"Listening is often the most underrated yet vital part of communication, especially with children."
Communication is the ability to transfer information from one person to another in a way that is understood by the receiver. Mastering this skill is a gateway to enhancing a child's language skills and reducing the chances of misunderstanding.
Did you know?
Research shows that children who feel heard are 47% more likely to have strong emotional connections with their caregivers.
The Communication Split
Mehrabian's Rule
Spoken words only account for 7% of the message. How we say things and our body language convey significantly more.
Developmental Stages
Sensorimotor (0–2 years)
Exploration through trial and error; learning object permanence.
Preoperational (2–7 years)
Thinking symbolically; roleplay, make-believe, and developing mental imagery.
Concrete Operational (7–11 years)
Logical thinking starts; less self-focused and more empathetic.
Formal Operational (12+ years)
Systemic thinking; considering abstract concepts like justice and possibilities.
The Active Listening Arsenal
Active listening is an essential tool to build trust and support emotional development. Here is how to hone it:
- ● Full Attention: Remove distractions (phones/TVs) and maintain appropriate eye contact.
- ● Reflective Listening: Paraphrase what they said: "It sounds like that made you feel angry."
- ● Open Questions: Use "What happened next?" or "How did that feel?"
- ● Silence is Golden: Don't rush to fill the silence; give them time to think.
Building Rapport
Consistent Body Language
Ensure your posture matches your tone. This reinforces trust and sincerity.
Creating Comfort
Lean forward slightly and uncross your arms to show you are open and relaxed.
Final Thoughts
The foundation of the relationship needs to be openness, honesty, trust, and nonjudgment. Once these elements are established, care and consistency will open up the relationship.
Be sure to follow up. Even if they tell you everything is "ok," it shows you truly care.
Mark Else
My experience ranges from running playgroups for pre-schoolers to managing complex safeguarding caseloads within both mainstream and SEMH provisions. In addition to having worked within the education sector since 2018, I am currently studying for a Level 6 Youth Work degree.
References
- Ansorge, R., Gatta, F., Gopal, A., 2024. Piaget Cognitive Stages of Development [WWW Document]. WebMD. URL https://www.webmd.com/children/piaget-stages-of-development
- Mehrabian, A., 2017. Nonverbal Communication, 1st ed. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351308724
- Christie, M., 1980. Children’s Minds, by Margaret Donaldson. Published by Fontana/Collins: Glasgow, 1978. Aborig. Child Sch. 8, 55–56. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0310582200010968
- Hughes, M., 1975. Egocentrism in preschool children.
- Jones, M., Parker, D., 1989. Research report—Development of student verbal skills: The use of the student-led seminar. Vocat. Asp. Educ. 41, 15–19. https://doi.org/10.1080/10408347308003261
- Lourenço, O., Machado, A., 1996. In defense of Piaget’s theory: A reply to 10 common criticisms. Psychol. Rev. 103, 143–164. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.103.1.143
- McLeod, S., 2024. Piaget’s Stages: 4 Stages of Cognitive Development & Theory. URL https://www.simplypsychology.org/piaget.html
- Nemec, P.B., Spagnolo, A.C., Soydan, A.S., 2017. Can you hear me now? Teaching listening skills. Psychiatr. Rehabil. J. 40, 415–417. https://doi.org/10.1037/prj0000287
- Rogoff, B., 2003. The cultural nature of human development. Oxford University Press, Oxford New York Auckland Bangkok Buenos Aires Capetown.
- Rost, M., Wilson, J.J., 2013. Active Listening. Routledge, London. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315832920
- Thompson, J., 2011. Is Nonverbal Communication a Numbers Game? | Psychology Today [WWW Document]. Psychol. Today. URL https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-a-numbers-game