How to Communicate Effectively with Children: Strategies & Tips

Communication is the ability to transfer information from one person to another in a way that is understood by the receiver. Information can be transferred in several ways, such as spoken, written, or a combination of both. Information can also be transferred by nonverbal communication through gestures or actions (Jones and Parker, 1989).

Mastering effective communication with children is a skill and a gateway to a world of benefits. Good communication skills can enhance children’s language and communication skills and significantly reduce the chances of misunderstandings between yourself and the child. This reassurance and confidence in your communication can further help build children’s self-esteem and help them resolve conflicts.

By the end of this article, you will be equipped with skills, strategies, and knowledge that have the potential to significantly improve your communication skills. This improvement can lead to a positive impact on the lives of the children you work with, giving you hope and motivation to apply these communication strategies and make a difference.

"Listening is often the most underrated yet vital part of communication, especially with children. Research shows that children who feel heard are 47% more likely to have strong emotional connections with their caregivers."

There are two types of communication: verbal and nonverbal. Both types of communication play an essential role in engaging with children, passing on information and confirming that the information has been understood by the receiver (in this case, the children that you are working with).

According to Dr. A. Mehrabian's research (Mehrabian, 2017), nonverbal communication significantly affects the overall message. His research suggests that the spoken word accounts for only 7% of the message, 38% is attributed to your voice and tone, and 55% is about your body language. This means that how you say something and your body language can often convey more than the actual words you use.

As Jeff Thompson of Psychology Today (Thompson, 2011) further describes, Mehrabian's formula is most accurate when verbal and nonverbal channels give mismatched information. This highlights the importance of aligning your verbal and nonverbal cues to communicate effectively. Understanding and mastering this alignment can empower you to effectively convey your messages and connect with the children you work with.

• Verbal communication - Verbal communication is exchanging information through spoken word, whether face-to-face, over the phone, or in a group discussion.
• Nonverbal communication — Nonverbal communication involves exchanging information through body language, facial expressions, and gestures. For example, a smile or a frown can convey happiness or sadness. Similarly, a nod or a shake of the head can indicate agreement or disagreement.

Understanding these cues is crucial in effective communication with children.

Jean Piaget developed a theory of cognitive development which contains four primary stages:

• Sensorimotor starts at birth and ends at two years old. This stage is more about exploration, as children are only aware of what is in front of them and are learning through trial and error. Babies learn object permanence toward the latter end of their first year of life.
• Preoperational starts when babies become toddlers and ends at seven years old. At this stage, children begin to think more symbolically and can mimic behaviour, draw, play make-believe, and develop mental imagery.
• Concrete operational starts at seven and ends at eleven. At this stage, children become less focused on themselves and more empathetic. They can also begin to use logic to understand patterns.
• Formal operational starts at twelve and continues into adulthood. At this stage, children can begin to think systemically, think up theories and consider possibilities. Concepts such as justice and abstract relationships also start to begin.

Similar to other theories about child development, these ages are not set in stone, and therefore, some children may start each stage earlier or later than their peers. Children with special educational needs (SEN) will significantly impact the stages described by Piaget. SEN children are often delayed in one or more areas of development, which can usually impact communication and language skills. Understanding and empathising with these unique needs is crucial in effective communication with all children.

While there are many critics of Piaget’s work (Lourenço and Machado, 1996; Christie, 1980; Rogoff, 2003; Hughes, 1975), the above stages help us better understand what children at different stages of development may or may not understand. This should allow us to adapt how we communicate with children to ensure that the information we are attempting to pass onto them is not outside of their realm of understanding.

Active listening skills are not just important; they are crucial (Nemec et al., 2017) in engaging children in conversation. Have you ever talked to someone, and they have been completing another task or not taking in what you are saying? Now, imagine that you are a child trying to talk to an adult who is not paying attention. This is why active listening is an essential tool in your communication arsenal, one that you should be committed to honing.

Active listening is an excellent way to:

• build relationships,
• build trust,
• support emotional development
• support cognitive development
• encourage open communication

Building Communication Skills with Children

Some key aspects of active listening are detailed below.

Give the child your full attention: This means responding to what the child is saying, maintaining appropriate eye contact (although children with SEN might struggle to engage if you make eye contact), using open body language, and removing distractions such as emails, phones, and TVs. By doing this, you show children that they have your full attention and that you are listening to and care about what they are saying.

Using reflective listening: You can use reflective listening by paraphrasing and repeating what the child said to you in your own words. Part of reflective listening is mirroring emotions, which you can do by acknowledging and reflecting on the child’s feelings. For example, “It sounds like this made you feel really angry”.

Asking open-ended questions with verbal encouragement: Simple phrases like “I see” or “That’s interesting” along with “Mm-hmm” can encourage children to continue their conversation while showing them that you are still listening to them. When the conversation comes to a natural pause or when you need clarification, you can use phrases such as “What happened next?”, “Can you describe that to me?” and “How did that make you feel?” can encourage children to expand on what they have already shared with you.

Silence is golden. Silence is not bad, as it allows children to gather their thoughts. However, it can feel awkward as an adult, so you should avoid trying to fill this silence.

Show empathy: You can validate the child's feelings by acknowledging them. A simple “It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment, and that can be stressful” can help the child understand that what they are feeling is normal and can help to take some weight off their shoulders.

Be supportive and non-judgmental: You should always respond with understanding and avoid criticism. If children feel you are judging their actions or something that has happened to them, they will likely become insular and stop talking. Poker faces should be practised because we won’t always agree with the child's actions. However, it has been done, and we should focus on helping the child through the situation rather than making them feel bad about it.

Follow-up: Be sure to follow up with the child to see how they are feeling, especially if the situation is ongoing. Even if they dismiss you and tell you everything is ok, it will show them that you care about them.

If you would like a more detailed look at active listening, Rost and Wilson (2013) provide a deep dive.

Active listening will help you build rapport and relationships with the children you work with. However, at the risk of sounding tedious, I want to remind you again about the impact of nonverbal communication, especially on building relationships with children.

Nonverbal communication can significantly impact building rapport, as it can convey trust and empathy. The tips below will help create a comfortable and positive interaction.

Consistent body language: Ensure that your body language matches the words you are speaking and the tone in which you are talking. When body language aligns with your words, it reinforces trust, sincerity and honesty, which are essential foundations of any relationship.

Facial expressions: Smiling, nodding, and using positive facial expressions can show empathy and understanding, making the child feel valued and understood. Equally, appropriate hand gestures can make the interaction more dynamic, and head nods to show that you are listening and following along.

Creating comfort: You can make your environment more comfortable for children by using open body language such as leaning slightly forward, having an open and relaxed posture, uncrossing your arms, etc.

Being in control: Slow, deliberate movements and gestures, as well as a calmer demeanour and tone of voice, can help you control and de-escalate tensions that might arise. Slow, deep breaths will show children that you are in control of your feelings and can help to reassure them.

For more on helping children feel safe to express themselves, see our article on Creating Safe Environments for Children to Open Up.

Building relationships with children can seem daunting, especially if you are a stranger or are entering the child’s life following some form of trauma or incident; given time, patience, and consistency, anyone can build lasting positive relationships with children.

The foundation of the relationship needs to be openness, honesty, trust, and nonjudgment. Once these basic elements have been established, care, consistency, empathy, and being present with the child will open up the relationship.

Follow-ups and check-ins following the initial conversation will also show the child that you care and are interested in the relationship.